Your Partner Wants A Threesome And You Don’t—Should You Break Up With Him?

You think that your relationship in and out of the sack is at its peak, and then he drops a bomb on you: He's interested in trying a threesome. What the hell? While it might feel like a splash of cold water on your relationship, it doesn't have to be. Before you freak out, we've asked experts for their take on how to approach this without making him feel crappy about his sexual interests or getting yourself into something you're not ready for. Here's what they say.

Talk It Out

First off, breaking up should not be your go-to response, says Holly Richmond , Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and marriage and family counselor. Instead, chat with your partner to figure out if this is a fantasy or something he actually wants to try IRL. If it's the latter, ask him what his expectations for the romp would be. What would the perfect threesome be like for him? How often would it happen? Encourage him to share as much detail as possible, says Richmond. (Add something extra to your sex life with the JimmyJane Form 6 vibe from theWomen's Health Boutique.) After hearing what he has to say, decide whether a threesome is something you really want to try. If not, go to your partner and tell him you're not comfortable with trying this in real life. Then ask him if he's okay with keeping this scenario as only a fantasy. If he's adamant about trying it, tell him that he needs to decide if this is something he'd risk losing this relationship over, says Richmond.

Make Sure He Knows Your Boundaries

If one of you is kinkier than the other, it's not always a bad thing for your relationship. It can actually be a great way for those who are typically more vanilla (no shame!) to experiment, says sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., resident sex expert for AdamandEve.com. Plus, trying new things can also help you feel closer to your partner, she says. However, it's important that he's aware that there are behaviors you're just not open to doing—and that's totally fine. "Your kinky partner should have enough sensitivity to work with you while honoring your boundaries," says Van Kirk. If he's not cool with that, you might want to assess whether this is someone you want to be with.

Negotiate Other Ways To Spice Up Sex

Based on your fantasies and interests, have a discussion about what you might be open to. For example, maybe you would be willing to try a threesome if it's with an anonymous third party in a location other than your hometown. Hash out what you're comfortable with—and go with that, says Van Kirk. If a three-way is totally out of the question, find some common ground by talking to your partner about the fantasies you'd be interested in trying. For example, maybe you'd like to try some Fifty-Shades style bondage or watch porn while getting down together. Just because you're not into sex with a third person, that still leaves a lot of fun to be had. Aly Walansky  

Holly Richmond, PhD

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